I was bored tonight. I wanted to blog, but I didn’t work out or do anything notable. I guess technically you could claim that I never do any worthy of note, but that might hurt my feelings. I digress. I decided to try to be productive tonight and answer some questions that have recently led to my blog. Search terms are an extra special aspect of blogging, and I’ve done a post exactly like this one in the past. It cracks me up to see the things people willingly type into their computers. I’m quoting them word for word.
Here goes nothing…
“Spring roll jealousy”
This happens to you, too? I’m all nonchalantly eating my meal when I see someone else at the table get handed a spring roll. Cut to me pissed I don’t have a spring roll. My advice: always order the spring rolls. Also, always play with the chopsticks.
“i gained the weight back i lost for my wedding”
Welcome to the club. It’s fun here. We have carbs, beer, and good times. Seriously, don’t stress out about it. If you don’t feel your best, though, get up and get moving. Find something fun to do, but promise me you won’t eat nasty food in order to lose weight. No, seriously. Promise me.
“Should I quit coffee?”
I feel you. I struggled with this for a while, too. The answer is a definitive no. You should never quit coffee. Actually, I am not a medical professional. You might need to quit coffee.
…is really pretty. I thought the necklaces were a great addition to last year’s race. This year, I believe ZOOMA Florida will have medals with a piece that can be taken off and worn as a necklace. Best of both worlds. (If you want to run with me, I have a discount code!)
“I’m 11 days postpartum. When will I get my pretty innie back?”
Never. Just kidding. Although, seriously, it might be never.
“What is your average breakfast”
Listen closely, grasshopper: don’t ever settle for average breakfasts. But, really, I like biscuits a lot.
“I tried Crossfit”
ME TOO! If I was rich, I’d probably still be able to get my WOD on. Doesn’t that sound inappropriate?
“Fast pace crunk songs”
I feel like I probably searched this and forgot about it. If not, I think we are the only two people in the world that still use crunk as a relevant adjective. Luckily, you’ve come to the right place. Well, if your “fast” is slow like mine. If you’re actually fast, I can’t help you.
“She peeing marathon”
Interesting. Very interesting indeed. I have nothing to add here.
“Yay i’m pregnant”
First off, WOO HOO! Secondly, I must ask why you typed that into a search engine. Wait a minute, is Google your best friend? That’s awesome.
“The fault in our stars summary”
Read the book! It’s amazing and earth shattering all at once. If you must cheat and know how it unfolds, you can read my summary here. But really, just go read the book instead.
“Twss girl band”
Like, That’s What She Said? Is that really a band. If so, that’s hilarious. I guess I’m technically answering that question with a question. I’m really doing a terrible job today.
“Should I let shrimp marinade in lemon juice”
I think you meant marinate, but definitely just let the shrimp do whatever they want to do.
Hi, fellow teacher! You are probably my long lost best friend, because I made one last year. Well, it was on my door. I think that still counts. Also, I found the idea on Pinterest. Next time, search there instead of Google. It will save you so much time and trouble, and you won’t get stuck at a crappy blog like mine.
“Tutu bridal shower funny”
I feel like you just typed random words into the computer. It sounds like a bad spam email, or a misprinted fortune cookie. Crap, now I’m thinking about spring rolls again.
“Run pretty not wearing shoes”
Hi, creepy. Nice to meet ya. I hope you were talking about running with good form while barefoot. Please, please, please say it had nothing to do with me.
I’m not sure exactly what you are looking for, but I’m betting that you want to hear something like “Yes, eat more bacon. Eat all the bacon.” There you go. Speaking of bacon, when Ryne was little he asked for a pound of bacon for Christmas. Like, that’s it. That’s what he wanted from Santa. I think he single-handedly invented the Paleo lifestyle that year.
Well, I started with a picture of Maddux and ended with a picture of Ryne. I’m not mildly obsessed with my family or anything. Anyway, I better go rest up. There are lots of Christmas ornaments that need making tomorrow in 4 year old kindergarten. See, I do actually productive things in life sometimes.