Newsflash: I’m Socially Old
|October 15, 2013||Posted by Presley under Life|
I’m 25 years old, which means that physically I’m practically an infant. However, I feel so daggum old half of the time. When I feel awkward at a bar, I now know it’s actually just the affects of the social aging process. Never heard of that? Well, it’s real.
Technically, I’m the exact age of the majority of people hittin’ up the town. But instead of engaging in conversations with people, I try to make them watch videos of my one year old. I seriously feel bad for whoever ends up sitting next to me. They move on real quick. It’s actually a fun game to play. “How fast can I end this conversation?” I mean, I’m not a total social pariah, but I come pretty close. Let’s be real. I reverse photo bomb people. That’s sad.
Anyway, I’m only mentioning all of this to share some special things I learned this weekend while out with the girls.
1.) Girls’ night should no longer include clubs. At least for me. I’m an embarrassment, and no one needs to see me try to dance. Ever again in my life.
2.) Never get pedicures before dancing, running, or any prolonged standing. Dude, calluses are ugly as hell but they do serve a purpose. My feet are dead.
3.) Beer flavored nacho cheese dip sounds like a better idea at 3 am than it does in “real” life. It didn’t even taste good, but I ate every freaking drop.
4.) College-aged people do not want to hear about your children. Although, I might have slightly reduced the chances of anyone having unprotected sex that night. You’re welcome, guys.
5.) Saying no to shots is a very, very wise choice. I had absolutely no hangover and I’m definitely excited about that fact.
6.) Going to bed at a decent time is ridiculously underrated. Never again will I bemoan the fact that I’m stuck in the house too “early”. Sleep rocks.
7.) Spending time with friends is so much fun, but nothing trumps hanging out with my son. I already knew this, of course, but I figured it bears repeating. I love that kid.
8.) I’m pretty sure I enjoy the idea of going out more than I actually enjoy going out. But talking about the night afterwards is fun, too. Oh, memories.
What social age are you? I think I’m about 85. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make my biceps cry.