I had another post planned for tonight, but I can’t bring myself to hit publish. There is no part of me that feels like rambling about a workout, product, or meal. I typically love to talk about those things, but right now I don’t feel like myself at all.
I will go ahead and warn you that this post lacks direction or purpose. It really is just a way for me to release how I’ve been feeling today. Yes, I said today. Isn’t it crazy how your emotions can swing at the drop of a hat? Today has been weird. I don’t like to let my thoughts about my appearance affect my day. Can you see how vain I’m being already? Yeah. I don’t like admitting it, but we all have those days. The past few weeks I’ve really hit a stand still in my efforts to get “back in shape” <- whatever that even means. It hasn’t bothered me until today. Why today? I have no clue. Nothing happened. Honestly, I’m baffled with how I should deal with my emotions right now.
I’m the type of person that lets negative feelings spiral out of control. First, it’s my body. Then, it’s something else. And so on and so forth. It’s like, once I let one negative in the door, the whole friggin’ block comes in uninvited, ya know? Immediately after allowing myself to judge my own appearance, I started judging other things. My crafts for the kids tomorrow suck. My Christmas presents for Ryne suck. My blog is starting to really suck. My parenting skills suck. Everything SUCKS. You get my drift, right? Then, after I realize what I’m doing, I feel like I’m a crappy person for thinking like that. With all of the events that have happened lately, I’m going to sit here and complain about my life? I mean, how totally self-indulgent and ungrateful can I be? I just don’t even know what to think.
I’m really hoping that today’s low is just that: a low point. Immediately as I typed that I realized that it will be the low point. I determine my tomorrow. It really is so bizarre how just typing out my feelings helps me feel so much better. Honestly, this blog probably really does suck. But ya know what? It helps me. I’m really thankful to those of you (who I truly consider friends!) who are stickin’ with me until I figure this all out. By “this” I mean everything: parenting, working, blogging, life…
On top of it all, I know that how I look isn’t even the issue. I doubt that’s why I’m actually feeling so low. I wish I really knew why. Maybe a side effect of being almost completely done with breastfeeding? There has to be some hormonal thing happening, right? “$#*& you, hormones! You are a crazy #$%*#, hormones!” (Sometimes a movie quote can totally sum up how I feel. By sometimes, I mean 99% of the time.) PS: Yes, I’m totally asking you guys for medical advice. 😉
Anyway, like I said, this was a total ramble-fest. I really and truly do not see how you put up with me! I’m ridiculous. I know. So tonight, instead of wasting any more of your time, I’m just going to take a deep breath and try to let the negative go. Just let it go. I’m going to open the door to the positive. First, I’m going to march downstairs and apologize to Ryne for overreacting when he didn’t totally freak out over a gift I gave him today. Seriously, I was that much of a pain in the ass. Thankfully typing in this lil’ ol’ blog of mine has a way of reminding me of what’s important. Then, I’m going to cuddle with my little boy by our Christmas tree and try to remember the reason for the season. 🙂 Have a great night y’all!